Feeling Imprisoned By A Good Life

It’s important to check one’s privilege when it comes to complaining about one’s life. I have the awareness to know that my life as an American citizen in the middle class is desirable to a large portion of the human population. However, each and every person can only measure their life and view it by the measures of their own unique perspective. That being said, I live an objectively good life. I have a thriving career doing something that I love and that doesn’t feel like work. I live in a nice apartment in a safe, convenient, and comfortable part of the New York metropolitan area. I’m afforded the ability to travel often to all parts of the world. I can spoil myself by eating out and buying myself most things, within reason, obviously. While I live a good life and enjoy it, I feel trapped by it, and feel like a prisoner to the very life that I’ve spent considerable time and effort building for myself.

Some people tend to tell others that “it could be a lot worse” when they hear such people complaining about aspects of their lives. While yes, it certainly can be a lot worse than having a struggling dating life, a period without a healthy amount of downtime to oneself, or perhaps even going through having a close friendship run its natural course, the fact remains that “it being worse” does not change a person’s current reality. Thus, in my mind, it’s void of sense to tell someone “it could be a lot worse” as a way to try to make them feel better, or as a way to have them reframe their present struggle. All this being said, yes, my current life situation could most certainly be worse and by practically all measures I should have nothing to complain about. But I do, and I believe that it’s a sentiment that many many people around the world are feeling as well, even if they’re not directly aware of it.

It may sound dramatic to say that I feel like a prisoner to my own good life, but when you dismantle an American life piece by piece, the sentiment begins to make sense.

Capitalism and consumerism are strong and prominent in American life- the push to spend and buy stuff is strong in American culture. As a people, we’re constantly buying the newest technology and products, regardless if we actually need them, and we’re encouraged to do so. People tend to just buy stuff because they have the money to do so. The United States is far ahead of the pack in terms of disposable income per capita, at $50,450. Luxembourg isn’t far behind at $49,478 per capita, but we should consider it an outlier due to its size and wealth as a nation. In third place and lagging 18% behind the United States is Norway at $41,621 per capita. This difference of $8,829 between the #1 United States and #3 Norway is close to the same gap as between Norway and #14 New Zealand. In simple terms, the average American citizen has far more income than any other average citizen in the world, and thus they are inclined to spend, buy, and consume.

Ok, so Americans have a lot of money to spend, what does this have to do with feeling like I’m imprisoned? Good question. It’s easy to spend money when you have money to spend, especially when there is an insane amount of stuff to buy and entice us. What becomes difficult is making the conscious effort to not cave to impulses to buy and spend when we find something we “need” or want. I actively practice not spending, and it can be difficult at times to keep myself in check when there are so many things that would be nice to have, and that I can afford. But to keep spending, we need to keep earning, and this is where the prison is found. To maintain an accustomed lifestyle I need to continue to earn at an aggressive rate, even if I would like to pursue other means of income. But at the end of the day, I can not truly pursue other means of income, since then my life would not be sustainable. Thus, a prisoner to my own self. Great, what else?

It’s no secret that the American healthcare system is broken. In 2022 a total of $4.5 trillion was spent on healthcare, which works out to $13,493 per capita. Writing this in September, I’ve personally spent $6,289 on healthcare so far this year, not including half a year’s worth of insurance costs ($2,000 a quarter). It costs me $8,000 a year to have the 2nd lowest tier of health insurance that’s available to me, which in the end is just paying exorbitant amounts of money to get healthcare discounts. This broken system really frustrates me and causes me much mental pain and stress. I would much prefer to have more of an emergency healthcare plan, paying much less and being covered for less. Though, unfortunately, since I have Crohn’s disease, this is not an option for me, and I’m forced to continue with the way things are.

This whole healthcare quagmire is my greatest source of imprisonment and the one that doesn’t allow me to live the life I want to live. I do not want to be a slave to a broken healthcare system. I do not want to have to work X amount to be able to afford my healthcare discounts. I want to be able to travel freely and flexibly and not have the burden of a broken healthcare system constantly looming over me and grinding me down. I can not even pursue other means of income as I previously mentioned since then I would not be able to afford my health insurance. The healthcare system that we are a slave to is incredibly frustrating, absurd, and imprisoning.

The thread that connects everything in this prison is money. I have created a life for myself that requires me to earn a certain amount of money to maintain my lifestyle. I may feel differently if my career options were more flexible and plentiful, but they are not. I love my career and getting paid well to do it. However, the fact that it is entirely in the physical world is a major drawback, when we live in a rapidly digitizing world. I would love to be able to work remotely and create streams of income online, but the fact of the matter is that anything I do to make money online or remotely will not come anywhere close to bringing in the amount of money that my career brings in. Therefore, I am stuck doing what I do, to make enough money to continue to fuel the systems of my own imprisonment.

I believe that other people are in the same boat as I am, not just here in the United States, but around the world. It appears to be ever increasingly difficult to go against the established grain of one’s life. We work so hard to create a life for ourselves that we like and that makes us happy, and I would argue that it is equally as hard to break down these good lives and establish new and different ones in their place. I am happy with my life, don’t get me wrong. I have a lot to be thankful for and live a quality of life that a lot of people strive for and would take in a heartbeat. Though when your point of reference and evaluation is yourself, it’s easy to look past your privilege and feel like a prisoner to your own creation, when it’s no longer what you want.